In high school I wanted to go to medical school. I did start school, but thanks to the symptoms of one of my disorders combined with life's challenges, I am not finished. I am persistent. I am several years in on a four year degree. I am very well rounded thanks to not being able to make up my mind on a major. Well the major has been set for two years now and I still have two years to go in the coursework I need. I only had two years then...lol. Need I mention that I still have a graduate degree to go? It seems as though who I am and who I really want to be aren't merging too well. This leaves me feeling so empty. And it is frustrating. I feel like kicking and screaming that I can't seem to achieve my goals. I've forever been working on them and forever getting nowhere besides piled up in student loan debt. I am starting to realize and feel the limitations of my disorder(s). I feel more disabled than I ever wanted to admit. I don't know what keeps me so determined to finish this degree. I feel like I'm putting myself through hell and setting myself up for failure. I'm just not sure if I fail this spring at going to school, then it's going to devastate me. I try not to think about failure, but the past has shown that I have trouble finishing what I start. And if I put school off anymore, I don't think I will ever finish.
I see me finishing my degree(s) as a ticket out of some of my insanity. Just getting there is well.....
No comments:
Post a Comment