Release

I have got to find some.  I feel like my brain is about to explode.  Taking care of the kids kinda keeps me in go mode and I internalize so much stress.  It just quietly stews throughout the day.  Even though I've been nervous about going to work the later it gets, I am kind of wanting to go be away from the house.  I have been avoiding taking benzos all day, but I still don't think I can handle the crowd.  I'm going to wait and see how I feel.  Usually, I get to work and I have to sit in the parking lot and wait for the frigging pill to kick in.  (It's that way with going grocery shopping or any errands where I have to deal with people too.  I actually have vomited in the parking lot when I went to get out of my car at the store one day).  If I don't go, I will lose my job.  I'm sure a different job would help, but this is the old fall-back, maybe an addiction.  I'm not an alcoholic, though I can and have had my mini binges.  Alcohol just isn't my thing.  Maybe the drinking part of me is somebody else...I don't know.