I have been feeling so ill today. My outlook is so bleak. I am at a real low today. I have been so suicidal. It's all just in my head but it is miserable. I'm ready to cut, burn or pierce just for some release. I'm not going to work tonight. I seem to have lost the light of the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel inadequate as a parent, that I am a constant disappointment to my little ones. They are oblivious that I am more than a little off. Maybe my oldest knows I have some problems, but has not seen my symptoms. I feel like they would be better off if I wasn't their parent. The other part of me knows my perception is off and they are happy healthy kids. But today, now, I don't think they need my shit. I don't feel like this is ever going to end. It is pure agony.
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